Rocky Would Beat Up Hulk Hogan Right Now, Just Like He Die Back in Da 1980s!

C'mon, Rocky was kicking Hulk Hogan's ass all over the squared-circle way back when. I remember watching the fight with Mike Doe and we were afraid for Hulk's life.

Grad School Starts Monday for Mike Doe, Foshizzle
Back to School...Mixing Up Cocktails
Too Many Drinks...Too Little Time!
Quickie Update from Long Lost Mike Doe
Comedy Interruptus Is Banished...Mike Doe Declares Victory!

Rocky Would Beat Up Anyone Who Twittered Trash About Him

And my friend, Mike Doe, will defend my man Rocky too: http://twitter.com/mikedoe.

Rocky Would Beat Up...Steven Seagall

Man, I really hate that douchebag, Steven Seagall. Rocky Balboa hates Steven Seagall too. Trust me on this, folks. I talked to Rocky and it's just a matter of time before he beats that ponytailed fatass pansy into a pulp. Case closed. Fughedaboutit!

Rock Would Beat Up...Brad Wesley

Brad Wesley, the arch-villian from Road House, could always use a good beating and Rocky would be just the guy to trow it it 'im!

Rocky Would Beat Up...Justin Timberlake

Rocky was never too crazy about the pop stars. He still ain't. Any dude who tries to sing and dance like a, well, a hoochie mama "at the club" gots problems in my book. And Rocky's too.

And, whatever happened to picking up broads the corner dive bar, like a real man should? I met some of my best girls that way. And I ain't talking no skanky barflies either. For the most part.

Rocky Would Beat Up...David Copperfield

Magicians who wear pancake makeup are annoying. Rocky is not a big fan of magic. No, he likes pet shops. When annoyed, Rocky gets angry. When angry, Rocky gets into fights. Usually with local yokels, but occasionally with magicians.

Rocky vs. David Copperfield = Busted-Up David Copperfield.

Rocky Would Beat Up...Clubber Lang!

It's a little known fact, but Rocky used to beat up Clubber Lang, just for something to do, every year or so even after Rocky got his title back! Clubber Lang would show up, looking all tough with his crazy mohawk, and throw down challenges, no matter where they was: in the park, at the library, even at the children's puppet theater! And Rocky would always try to NOT fight, mainly because Adrian was usually there and so damn classy, but Clubber would eventually insult his manhood and hit on Adrian, so Rocky would have to pummel him with a few left hooks.

Rocky Would Beat Up...the Rock!

Rocky would play rat-a-tat-a-tat with The Rock's face for a few rounds, before knocking him out with a left hook. Pro wrestler's got no chance in the ring these days. Don't believe it? Just check out Rocky III, where Rocky laid a beatdown on Hulk Hogan. Case closed!

Rocky Would Beat Up...Wino Pete

...Except I'm going to get to Wino Pete first. That fool will be trown a beating like no other. Insulting my sister, Maria? Not on my watch, jabroni!